Laying down railroad tracks...

When the rails of habit are laid down, like the tracks set out for a locomotive train, [life] can go along easily and smoothly. The train moves easily, but the laying down of the rails has taken a lot of effort. Imagine yourself as John Henry, the steel-driving man who, with determination and perspiration, hammered those rails, laying miles of track across America. ~Karen Andreola

Looking back about three or four years ago, I believe I was about as frazzled as a mother of (then) three children could be. During the school year, life was fast-paced and busy just like it is for everybody. But then school got out, and the really difficult months of the year began... summertime.

During the summer, the kids and I would be in our pajamas until who knows what time of day, the TV was such a big part of our lives the children should have been calling it "Mama," and it would honestly take HOURS to get ready to go anywhere. We could never find shoes (insert any useful item in the "shoes" spot), or the house would be so messy I felt guilty going to do fun things, or just the thought of getting us all ready and out of the house almost sent me over the edge. Honestly so many things were really out of whack, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed and it was seriously affecting both mine and the children's happiness.

Well, after some seriously sluggish and frustrating months, I finally decided I could not take it anymore!! I knew that somehow, somewhere, we had to take some action. I had read about families who lived on farms, and every morning they got up and did their morning chores regardless of season or weather or moods or anything else. It was just understood that every day they all got up and did their chores.

I thought about this idea of getting up and doing chores every day...with the kids getting dressed and ready for the day regardless of whether things were planned for that day or not...and I wanted them to do it all without having to prod them continuously. The eventual goal was that they would get in the HABIT of doing it everyday so that it would be as common to them as eating, breathing, going to school, etc.

So, with all of that in mind, I set up the following chart for each kid. They got to make and decorate it themselves, and the boys' charts had pictures at the time because they couldn't read yet. The one below is Maddie's. The kids were around 7, 5, and 3 at the time.




1. Make bed
2. Clean room
3. Get dressed
4. Brush teeth
5. Comb hair
6. Put on shoes and socks

I had read that habits take about 1 month to form. With that goal in mind, we set about getting these habits licked!

Uh...... little did I know, hmmm.....

How do I put this? I discovered I couldn't train my children because...

I myself was completely unable to be this consistent.

Give me a job, give me school, give me anything with outside pressure and I am GREAT at making sure those things get done. But just at home? With nobody looking? When I was tired or not in the mood or the kids REALLY didn't want to do their "pockets?" (That's what the chart came to be called, because of the little paper pockets where the card would go when the chore was done.)

I was terrible at enforcing this! Not only that, it almost killed me to admit how terrible I was at enforcing it all. I kept justifying myself that my kids were just overly lazy or not driven but soon it became blatantly clear to me that the problem was....... ME!

I wanted to be the farm mother I had envisioned - up early, making a good, hearty breakfast with children doing all of their chores cheerfully, and something awesome, like a blue bird or a cow singing me a song on my windowsill all before 5:00 am or so.

Maybe I was being a little too idealistic....

At any rate, it became abundantly clear that I, myself, had a problem with the pockets as much as my kids did. A month came and went. Then another month. Then another. Many, many months went by and we just kept trying. We'd often miss days, and weekends were particularly hard since they were all so different depending on what was going on. But we kept trying.

After about a year - literally - I felt myself, finally, getting trained that I had to enforce the pockets every day. The kids, because of the inconsistency, still dawdled, complained, and dragged their feet about it all. We went through about a dozen different consequences for not doing pockets, including: no TV, no friends, etc. (We put a positive spin on it: If you do your pockets, you earn TV time and friend time!) For various reasons, (mostly because I felt like a policeman all the time) these consequences weren't really satisfactory for me. I just wanted them to get into the habit and to do their pockets every day.

Well, there was no magic, we just didn't give up. After a year of training me, then another year training the children, we found our entire family settling into the pockets routine. We eventually chose an immediate consequence for a job well done or undone, which was breakfast. If the pockets are done, the child gets to enjoy a wonderful, family breakfast with the rest of us. If the child chooses to play during that time, they may wait for snack time at 10:30 for their own, personal breakfast.

So now, 3 and 1/2 years or so into this whole thing, I can really, really tell you that it has made a huge difference in our lives. The kids rarely ever miss breakfast, their jobs are done, the house is cleaner, but something else has happened that is even better.

I discovered there's a different feeling in the house after pockets have been done in the morning. The kids feel good, they feel proud of themselves, they're excited to jump into whatever else is to be done that day, and I get a wonderful opportunity to praise them every morning for doing a job well done and being responsible people. The whole process has really generated a feeling of, well, happiness in the mornings. Even better, that happiness and productivity from the morning affects the entire day.


This morning I found my kids with beds made, rooms clean, and church clothes on. Abby did her part by putting on her swimming suit. : )


I'm so thankful!!!!! What if we had never done this and I had quit one of the thousands of times I really wanted to quit over the first couple of years? It was SO HARD laying down these railroad tracks of habit, just like John Henry in the above quote, I felt like we were literally laying down steel, every day, to make this finally happen.

I'm so thankful we all stuck in there until this entire thing has truly become a habit for all of us. Now that this habit is in place, we've been able to slowly add other habits that are important to us as well. The children getting themselves up to their own alarm clocks, daily scripture reading and family prayer, and a daily routine chart have all been added. I like my days SOOOO much more than I used to a few years ago! I really, really love them, actually.

Charlotte Mason said:

The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; on the other hand she who lets habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction.

I found this quote in the middle of my efforts to establish our pockets routine. I thought of it all the times I wanted to quit, and hoped with everything I had in me that it was true. I can happily report that she is right - I am truly enjoying so many more "smooth and easy days" and the tracks we have laid will ensure more of them for my children, as well.

I'm so thankful for having the opportunity to learn this lesson!!

Have a good night!

Emily