Bishop's Youth Discussion

The gospel is great! It blesses our lives in sooooo many ways.

I'd like to bring up just one blessing tonight. About every month, for the past five years, we have had the pleasure of having the Bishop's Youth Discussion in our home. It's so fabulous for our family to have a bunch of fun teenagers come over to discuss gospel topics and share their fun, young energy.

But mostly what I love about it is that my kids think these teenagers are the best thing since sliced bread, and they often sit and listen to the discussions and are being given such a GREAT example of teenagers making good choices. It's just a really powerful environment for them to learn from these kids whom they think are so awesome. Positive peer pressure is a wonderful thing!

A special thing about tonight was the fact we were joined by two teenagers who are not of our faith, and we had a fantastic time discussing our various beliefs. It was great for all of us to learn more about each other, and what we all hold dear to our hearts.

So, like I said, the gospel is great!

Breakfast Bounty, etc.

Little did I know when I married my husband that he was kind of amazing in the kitchen. I'm pretty much a recipe follower. I can improvise on spices and things for foods I've made a lot (like pasta or certain soups or meats) but for the most part, I need a recipe to follow. But Greg comes up with pretty amazing concoctions anytime he's in the kitchen....and he almost NEVER uses a recipe. He just throws in a little of this and a little of that. He doesn't get to cook often, being a busy, working father, but when he does, watch out!

What cracks me up about his cooking is that on some Saturday lunch time when I'd be throwing Top Ramen at the kids, I'll find him browning herbed chicken to go into a homemade alfredo sauce. I'll say, "Should we just do Top Ramen?" and he'll say something like, "No, I have zucchini grilling in the oven." Who am I to stop such progress? Last Mother's Day he and the kids surprised me with breakfast in bed and was it waffles, toast, pancakes? No (not that those wouldn't have been fabulous), it was cinnamon crepes with a curry shrimp filling... with all kinds of delectable fruits on the side. It tasted amazing. And he completely made it up. Anyway, I really love this particular hidden talent in my husband, and today was no exception!

So, anyway, the above picture is what I came down to for breakfast this morning. Crepes with a berry compote and freshly whipped cream.

I did catch an action shot...

Even Abby got to help!

Also, Maddie had some Achievement Day goals to pass off so she organized a multi-family get-together at a nearby park. Joel also had some cub scout stuff to pass off, so he organized all of the activities, including: races, bean bag tosses, a soccer game, and a nature walk.

Developing a Mother Heart

As time goes by, I see myself changing as a mother. My thoughts are a lot different with four children than they were with one young baby. My big reactions to small things have lessened considerably (thank goodness!). But really for the purpose of this blog, I would like to discuss how great it has felt as these changes have taken place.

To start off, I remember a talk given by Julie B. Beck a few years ago in which she discussed "developing a mother heart." She basically addressed the idea that the nurturing spirit which is so often associated with mothers is something that can be practiced and developed over time. I was really intrigued by her talk because I knew a lot of mothers who had tremendous capacities in their mothering skills, and I assumed they were just born that way. I felt wistful because I really wanted to be like them, yet I could tell my heart had kind of a "blank slate" in the spot where their "incredibly beautiful motives in family service" spot was found. I don't want to beat myself up about my "blank slate" spot, but it was there, so what can I say?

Anyway, this idea that I could start putting some Profound Motherhood Information on my blank slate really excited me. Soon I will be just like them, I thought. Well, that started me on a process of buying a lot of parenting books, articles, etc., and I read and learned a lot of valuable information, which has certainly been really helpful.

However, as time passed, I could see that me and my blank slate were still kind of the same. My head was full of really good information, but my "beautiful motives in family service" weren't very beautiful. I could tell that I was really trying, but somehow I just didn't get it. So many thoughtful things these mothers would do for their children didn't even occur to me! On the other side of the coin, when my children asked for things, I found myself having a difficult time happily meeting their needs. I don't really want to go into all the details about this, but trust me when I say I had some real angst in my soul when I recognized these things in myself.

So.... years and years went by with me fuddling through this process.

However, I can thankfully say the process has not been in vain. In time, time and more time, I came to realize that I am simply not any of those mothers. And (drumroll, please.....) it's OKAY! I finally had the courage and wherewithall to have the following conversation with myself:

• "What kind of mother do I, Emily (no middle name, who grew up in Morgan, UT, who ate dog food with Jason Holman and wore her mother's hoop skirt to the park to pretend she was in the "North and South" mini-series with Patrick Swayze) Nielson, want to be?"


• "How do I want to run my household?"


• "What things do I feel my children really need to learn?"


• "What kinds of attitudes, activities, and atmosphere do I want in my home?"


• "Uh..." I can't remember what else I asked myself.

So, upon posing these questions to myself (and allowing some time for pondering and prayer), I -for the first time as a mother - stopped worrying about all the "shoulds" and thought about what I actually WANTED. The way I really WANTED my life to go as a Mom. Then, somewhere in that process, I began to feel something really wonderful happen... a feeling of rightness, and peace, and coming home. And guess where it happened?

On my blank slate spot!

I discovered there were things I really wanted to do with my children, for my children, and around my children. I thought about my passions, thoughts, and ideas that I would LOVE for my children to learn and experience! I also realized how wonderful it would be if I could help them discover passions of their own. I think it was in that moment I knew my slate wasn't completely blank anymore. I felt "beautiful motives" in wanting to work with my children, and the best part was that I knew it was coming from within me. I dared hope that God gave these children to me for a reason, and if I can be my true, best self, maybe that's exactly what God wanted them to have...me, Emily (no middle name, who eats chocolate chips in the bathtub and is prone to do some really lame parenting mistakes sometimes) Nielson as their Mom.

And just maybe I needed to discover that I am just how I am supposed to be, but with lots more room to fill up on my slate, of course.

Catching Up and Getting Going (title by: Maddie)

Since I am just getting this blog going, I've had a lot of chances to peruse the many pictures we've taken in the last several months. It really is fun to recognize the memories we've made and things that we've been up to. Now, keep in mind, we don't really seem to take pictures when we are mad, sad, sick, or hurt. With that thought on the back-burner, I looked through our many pictures and felt touched and content with the life we're living. Following is a favorite quote that comes to mind:

How much influence the world has over our children really depends on what standards we set at home - standards by which the children are accustomed to measure things - and the strength of the family ties. A respect for parents, the satisfaction of learning together, a fondness for simple pleasures, good humor amidst hard work, sympathy in sorrow, and the joy of worshipping together are a part of the atmosphere of a close family. Such families give the gift of unworldliness. May we all be enabled to provide our children with such an atmosphere.

-Karen Andreola

We certainly don't achieve the ideal family atmosphere mentioned in this quote all the time; but we do try, and there are lots of really, really great moments that keep us going through the ones that don't make it onto film!

Here are a few happy memories for me from the past couple of months...

Halloween!

What can I say about this get-up?

I came into the family room to find Joel giving Abby a violin lesson.

Everybody wants to sit by Dad... especially on Christmas.... especially with their new towels.

Mom and Dad's 70th birthday party.

Celebrating Abby's 2nd birthday!

Brendan's first fish! (Even if it was a carp and had to go back into the lake...)

Two happy sisters on the slide! Maddie is a WONDERFUL friend and companion for Abby.

The Importance of Equity

The recent revolution and resignation of Egypt's President Mubarak reminds me of a history lesson with the kids...

We were discussing the Byzantine empire which, at the time, was ruled by an Emperor named Justinian and his wife Theodora. Justinian conquered many countries around the borders of the Mediterranean and was very pleased with his ability to enlarge his kingdom. Well, he soon found that ruling such a large territory wasn't so easy, and many of these countries had their own laws for how things were to be handled. For example, if something washed up on the seashore, who did it belong to? The person who found it or the person who lived on that section of the beach?

Justinian realized that for the kingdom to be united as a whole, everyone needed to follow the same set of laws. So he and his wife Theodora (who sounds like an amazing, wise leader - even more than Justinian if you read her history), set about to establish a code of laws for the entire kingdom to follow.

Ultimately, they did manage to unite the kingdom through a code of laws which all members respected and followed. There are a couple of hilarious ones, such as: If you are trimming a tree and someone walks under it and a branch falls on them, it's your fault. But if you warn the person first and they still choose to walk under the tree and get hit by a branch, it's their fault. Funny as it is, this as well as the rest of the laws allowed for a short period of stability and peace within the Byzantine empire.

Okay, so I'm teaching this lesson to my children, and one of the related activities is to establish a code of laws for our family. I thought this would be a fun, relatively easy activity that the kids would enjoy.

So the kids started throwing out ideas, but the laid-back feeling in the room soon changed as they thought about the ramifications of some of these rules that were being discussed. Quickly, passions, strong opinions, and concerns about the proposed laws were voiced. I watched in awe as the children engaged in an honest-to-goodness debate about the way friends and toys should be dealt with. The kids presented one idea, then another, then another, about how to handle things related to various aspects of our lives. Back and forth, back and forth, I felt like I was watching a little mini-congress meet. I was so impressed with their process when they eventually reached conclusions on which everyone agreed.

More amazing than the fact they actually all agreed in the end was the fact the rules they came up with are really fair, worthwhile rules (which have since really helped them interact with each other). Being kind, as well as proper treatment of friends and property are the jist of them. I do have to throw out the most easily agreed upon rule (the Byzantines had their silly tree rule, right?) which was: If you find a shiny rock in the backyard and you clean it, you get to keep it. So keep that in mind... if you come to my house, you should know your rights if you find an awesome rock in the backyard.

Anyway, in observing the whole event, I realized that a desire for equality and fair laws is a basic human need, regardless of age. In order for a society to be fully satisfied, the laws governing it must be fair to all - both on the macro-scale of a country and the micro-scale within the walls of our own homes. By setting up an equitable set of rules in our homes, we are teaching our children the optimum way a "system" should operate, thereby giving them a solid base for belonging to or running a system in the future.

The last point that came to mind on this subject is the need for the "rulers" of the society (King, President, or Mom and Dad) to remember the idea behind the old English Magna Carta. The main premise being that the ruler of a kingdom must follow the laws he or she expects the patrons to obey. They are not allowed to ignore the laws at whim merely because they are the rulers.

For example, have you ever thought of how many times we tell our children to say "please" and ask for something nicely, when we ourselves - because we are the parent - feel the right to tell them to do something without the "please?" I am learning that there is virtually no other way to teach a child to speak courteously and say "please" than for that child to be experiencing that same treatment from me at home on a regular basis. If our children remind us of our need to say "please," (which can irritate us, be honest) we can recognize they are merely feeling the human need for fairness, and when we deliver it (give them the "please"), their faith in the set of laws is again restored. Shouldn't we, as the ruler, give them every reason to have that faith in our system?

To finish off, I want to veer back to my original subject and congratulate the Egyptian people. I really hope that the government system to follow is democratic and fair - not just for the sake of their people, but because all humans, young and old, have the right to a democratic, equitable set of laws.

"We are all meant to be naturalists..."

Watching the kids enjoy the second snow of the season (the first was on Thanksgiving morning), I was reminded of another favorite quote by Charlotte Mason:

There is no kind of knowledge to be had in these early years so valuable to children as that which they get for themselves, of the world they live in. Let them at once get into touch with nature, and a habit is formed which will be a source of delight through life. We are all meant to be naturalists, each to his own degree, and it is inexcusable to live in a world so full of marvels of plant and animal life and to care for none of these things.

My Dad is certainly a naturalist, and I spent many days and nights outside fishing, camping, roasting hot dogs in the backyard, and looking at the many types of wildlife he would point out to me on some distant hill. While I am not the naturalist my father is, I do want the children to love and appreciate nature; but I love it more when something simple and beautiful like fresh snow makes it so darn easy!

Also, I'd like to point out that in the picture Maddie is collecting snow to make "snow cream" which is a concoction that tastes a lot like vanilla ice cream. It's really quite good, if it doesn't bother you that you're eating snow. Which, for some reason, kind of does bother me. ; )

Happy Winter!!

An Adventure with Chickens

Charlotte Mason said that each day a child needs :

1. Something or someone to love.

2. Something to do.

3. Something to think about.

With this fabulous idea in mind, as well as Maddie's strong need for a pet (really - her dream is to be a farmer when she grows up), we finally agreed on some pets that we thought we could all live with.

So, we recently bought 9 baby chicks with the intent to cuddle and play with them, raise them, and then enjoy their eggs when they start laying. I have to admit I have enjoyed these cute little puffballs so much more than I thought I would! I find myself watching them, worrying about them, and smiling at the cute little things they do. I might feel differently about them later when they become more work to care for, but right now I think they are great additions to the family.

The kids, of course, are loving them as well. They have named them Acorn, Fluffy, Lightning, Kahmunrah, Velociraptor, and honestly I can't remember the rest. We are, unfortunately, down to 8 chicks though, as one of them stopped thriving and passed away after the first night. The rest seem to be growing and doing well.

Anyway, we'll see how this adventure goes! We're sure enjoying this phase of raising them. The next step is for Greg to build a chicken coop...